Browsed by
Category: Funny Logs

Funny logs of one type or another.

Spherey

Spherey

Sphere gives you a deep and passionate kiss…it seems to take forever…

You shout in common, ‘I got violated by a sphere!

Danor nods sadly.

You are suddenly struck by lightning!
Hey, that tickles!

Leareth blinks.
You ponder the situation.
Danor cheers.

Leareth says in magic, ‘You ok Silkenlor?
You shout in common, ‘That tickled!
You shout in common, ‘You need more powah!

Leareth exclaims in magic, ‘Sphere and lightning inside the Hg!

Danor ducks.
You duck!
Danor quacks like a friggin’ duck! QUACK!!!

You say in common, ‘This is gonna hurt i bet
Danor nods to you.

You say in common, ‘Huh
You say in common, ‘Guess hes outta power

You are suddenly struck by lightning!
Uh-oh, it’s nappy time.
You’re too dazed and confused to stay upright!
You fall unconscious!

Tribute to Ogma

Tribute to Ogma

Northern Meadow
This is a lush meadow outside the olive-green walls of Silverwood
Reach.  Wildflowers grow rampant through the tall grass in this
small spacebetween the castle and the great forest surrounding
it.  The stars above smile down upon this peaceful field in the
deep of the night.  A tunnelruns through a short gatehouse in the
castle wall.  A spruce portcullis is raised about one-quarter of
the way to the south and is going down. The tunnel is faced with a
beautiful serpentine arch.  It is shadowy here.
There are four exits: southwest, southeast, north, and south.
Ogmie the pony.

You misjudge Ogmie the pony and land on the ground.
The portcullis clatters to a halt then begins to go upwards.
The portcullis clatters upwards.
lead south
Ogmie tries to squeeze under the portcullis but doesn’t fit.

Gatehouse
This is a wide tunnel of dark green stone leading through the castle
gatehouse, connecting the courtyard, to the south, with the outside
world. Numerous arrow-slits and murder holes have been built high into
the tunnel to assist the residents in repelling invasion.  The
tunnel’s northern end is faced a spectacular arch of polished
serpentine.  A spruce portcullis is raised about half way to the
north and is going up.  It is well lit here.
There are two exits: north and south.
Amaia the elf.
a figure wearing a black silk hood with a mask.
Viscountess Euros the elf (guarding the north exit) (blocking the north exit).

Euros paces.
Euros yells in common, ‘Make up your mind.’
The portcullis clatters upwards.
Aidan says in common, ‘And you can still see my ga now’
You get past the blockade.

Northern Meadow
This is a lush meadow outside the olive-green walls of Silverwood
Reach.  Wildflowers grow rampant through the tall grass in this
small space between the castle and the great forest surrounding
it.  The stars above smile down upon this peaceful field in the
deep of the night.  A tunnel runs through a short gatehouse in the
castle wall.  A spruce portcullis is raised about half way to the
south and is going up.  The tunnel is faced with a beautiful
serpentine arch.  It is shadowy here.
There are four exits: southwest, southeast, north, and south.
Ogmie the pony.

lead south
Ogmie clops away to the gatehouse.

Gatehouse
This is a wide tunnel of dark green stone leading through the castle
gatehouse, connecting the courtyard, to the south, with the outside
world. Numerous arrow-slits and murder holes have been built high into
the tunnel to assist the residents in repelling invasion.  The
tunnel’s northern end is faced a spectacular arch of polished
serpentine.  A spruce portcullis is raised about half way to the
north and is going up.  It is well lit here.
There are two exits: north and south.
Ogmie the pony.
Amaia the elf.
a figure wearing a black silk hood with a mask.
Viscountess Euros the elf (guarding the north exit) (blocking the north exit).

The portcullis inches upwards.
You say in common, ‘There we go’
Euros nods to Aidan.
The portcullis clatters upwards.
The portcullis clatters to a stop as it is fully raised.
You say in common, ‘Couldn’t mount’
Euros says in common, ‘Nice pony.’
Euros signals for the portcullis to be lowered.
The portcullis begins to clatter downwards.
The portcullis inches downwards.
You nod.
Ogmie nudges you.
You ask in common, ‘How do you like the name?’
The portcullis rattles downwards.
Aidan unties the mask on a black silk hood and lowers it to reveal its face.
Euros asks in common, ‘Get smacked for that yet?’
Amaia asks in common, ‘Ogmie?’
The portcullis rattles downwards.
You say in common, ‘Ogmie’
The portcullis inches downwards.
You say in common, ‘Not yet’
Aidan says in common, ‘I think it’s going to get killed.’
Amaia says in common, ‘Your ass is so grass’
You’re quite distracted.
The portcullis rattles downwards.
You say in common, ‘I’m waiting’
The portcullis rattles downwards.
You say in common, ‘I know’
Euros rubs her eyes.
The portcullis clatters to a stop as it is fully lowered.
You’re off balance.
You say in common, ‘But it’ll still be funny’
Amaia says in common, ‘Let’s call the O-man’
Euros says in common, ‘Come south, Jask.’
Ogmie trots about.
lead south
Ogmie clops away to the courtyard.

Courtyard
This is a large, open area within the castle enclosure.  The tall,
green walls of the donjon rise above one side of this ward while the
sparkling outer curtain wall towers overhead on the other.  A wide
flagstone path of white limestone leads about the base of the donjon,
connecting the various outbuildings.  Beds of healthy green grass
grow between the paths.  A broad stair descends from the door of
the donjon, meeting the path at the center of the courtyard before a
magnificent olivine fountain.  It is shadowy here.
There are six exits: north, a closed steel door leading south, west, east,
southeast, and southwest.
an ironwood bokken, and a pierced-steel lantern.
Ogmie the pony.

You’re somewhat distracted.
Euros strides in from the north.
Aidan saunters in from the north.
Amaia strides in from the north.
You’re a bit off balance.
You pat Ogmie on the head.
You’re bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
Ogmie whickers happily.
Aidan grins.
Amaia asks in common, ‘Like, if he controls me does that mean I lost my Oginity?’
Euros looks thoughtful.
Aidan stares.
Euros asks in common, ‘What’d he control you to do?’
Amaia says in common, ‘Well he made me stand’
Amaia says in common, ‘And try to craft things’
Euros asks in common, ‘What things?’
You say in common, ‘Hmmm’
Amaia says in common, ‘The dress and shirt’
Amaia nods.
Euros grins.
Amaia says in common, ‘But not the rope’
You say in common, ‘I wonder where Switch is hiding’
Ogmie trots about.

Euros says in common, ‘I figured Vivi would be with you.’
You shake your head.
Amaia says (OOC),’omfg. My ex stepdad and my lil sis were going to eat at this place at the local fleamarket’
You say in common, ‘I was with katsumi’
Amaia says (OOC),’Then they see this Mexican peeing right out in the open!’
You say in common, ‘And rokenlo’
You say in common, ‘Which is why I have a pony named Ogmie’
Aidan ponders the situation.
Euros asks in common, ‘Rokenlo bought you a pony?’
Euros says in common, ‘That’s some tip.’
You say in common, ‘No’
You say in common, ‘I bought it’
Aidan grins.
You say in common, ‘But Kat gave me the idea’
Amaia says in common, ‘Hmm’
Euros says in common, ‘I see.’
Amaia asks in common, ‘You enjoy wasting money?’
You say in common, ‘I decided to tempt fate’
You shrug.
You say in common, ‘I don’t have anything to do with it’
Amaia says in common, ‘You could just give it to me’
You say in common, ‘Psha’
Amaia says in common, ‘If you’re intent on wasting it’
An anvil falls from the sky, hitting Ogmie on the head!
Ogmie’s head is destroyed!
Ogmie died!
Ogmie leaves the party.
You say in common, ‘New it’
Euros says in common, ‘Well now.’
Amaia says in common, ‘Hmm’
Aidan says in common, ‘Ow.’
You say in common, ‘That was fast’
Euros unlocks the steel door to the south.
Euros opens the steel door to the south.
Euros purposefully paces off, heading for the south.
The steel door to the south closes.
The steel door to the south locks.
Amaia says in common, ‘What if I name one Oginity’
You say in common, ‘I don’t know’
You say in common, ‘Hmmmm’
A massive anvil made from iron with a steel face mounted on a sturdy pine base.
The steel door to the south unlocks.
You ask in common, ‘So does that mean I can’t keep the pony, ogma?’
The steel door to the south opens.
Euros strides in from the south.
Euros closes the steel door to the south.
Euros locks the steel door to the south.
Euros unlocks the steel door to the south.
Euros opens the steel door to the south.
Euros purposefully paces off, heading for the south.
The steel door to the south closes.
The steel door to the south locks.
Amaia says in common, ‘Perhaps I’ll ask him’
Amaia asks in common, ‘Should I?’
You shrug.
Death materializes in a puff of air smelling of grave dust.
The steel door to the south unlocks.
The steel door to the south opens.
Euros strides in from the south.
Euros closes the steel door to the south.
Euros locks the steel door to the south.
Amaia says in common, ‘Oh sexy’
You say in common, ‘Hey hey’
You smile at Death.
Euros incants a scroll of preserve_corpse.
You ask in common, ‘I guess I can’t keep the her then?’
You say in common, ‘I thought you’d like it.  It’s a tribute to you’
Amaia asks in common, ‘Hey death…could I perhaps name a new animal Oginity?’

Courtyard
This is a large, open area within the castle enclosure.  The tall,
green walls of the donjon rise above one side of  this ward while
the sparkling outer curtain wall towers overhead on the other.  A
wide flagstone path of white limestone leads about the base of the
donjon, connecting the various outbuildings.  Beds of healthy
green grass grow between the paths.  A broad stair descends from
the door of the donjon, meeting the path at the center of the courtyard
before a magnificent olivine fountain.  It is well lit  here.
There are six exits: north, a closed steel door leading south, west,
east,  southeast, and southwest.
Ogmie’s severed head, an anvil, an ironwood bokken, and a pierced-steel lantern.
Viscountess Euros the elf (invoking a scroll).
Death the anthropomorphic representation.
Amaia the elf.
Sir Aidan the human.

Death puts a strange glimmering metal scythe in a pocket.
Euros’s scroll writhes and disappears.
Death turns his actinic glare on Amaia.
Euros says in common, ‘Ack.’
Aidan says in common, ‘I think that’s a no.’
Amaia asks in common, ‘Do you know what Oginity is?’
Euros says in common, ‘When I was invoking…’
You sigh.
You say in common, ‘Oh well’
You say in common, ‘Poor ogmie’
Ogma gives 15 gold rials to you.
You put them in your sporran.
Euros says in common, ‘Bad argument 1 to call_other()’
Euros says in common, ‘Program: std/obj/shadow_amulet.c, object; std/obj/shadow_amulet#2992212 line 66’
You say in common, ‘Thank you’
Death disappears leaving behind only the stillness of the sepulchre.
Amaia says in common, ‘Darn’
Euros comforts you.
Amaia says in common, ‘I was just bout to ask bout Ogasm’
Aidan shakes his head.
Aidan says in common, ‘You were just asking for it, Jask’
Euros unlocks the steel door to the south.
Euros opens the steel door to the south.
Euros purposefully paces off, heading for the south.
The steel door to the south closes.
The steel door to the south locks.
Amaia says in common, ‘True that’
You say in common, ‘I didn’t expect my money back’
The steel door to the south unlocks.
The steel door to the south opens.
Euros strides in from the south.
Euros closes the steel door to the south.
Euros locks the steel door to the south.
Euros asks in common, ‘It’s it kind of an honor?’
You say in common, ‘But I won’t complain’
Euros says in common, ‘Like naming a kid after someone.’
Amaia says in common, ‘He does you favors, you do him favors’

A black calfskin pouch for holding coins.  It has a closeable flap and a strap for wearing around the waist.
It contains:
15 gold rials, 6 silver dirhams, a silver farthing.
You say in common, ‘Ok, well…’

Mounting Porters

Mounting Porters

Noorooo the porter (ridden by you).

You dismount Noorooo.
You cackle.
You say in common, ‘I mounted a porter
Danor suddenly exists in the world of Ferdarchi.
Danor spanks you!
Danor says in common, ‘Slackenlazy
You say in common, ‘I mounted a porter
You grin.
You shout in common, ‘He ran away!
You boggle. Inconceivable!
Danor shouts in common, ‘From you
You shout in common, ‘Portwr!
You cackle.
You mount Noorooo.
You nod.
Danor says in common, ‘He’s right here, dumbass
You grin.
Danor points.
Danor stares at Noorooo.
You say in common, ‘Ima try to master him
Danor laughs.
You master Noorooo the porter.
You cackle.
Danor stares.
You say in common, ‘Amazing
Noorooo smiles.
You ponder the situation.
You ask Desla ‘are porters supposed to be masterable?
You say in common, ‘Im asking desla
Danor whiiiines.
Danor says in common, ‘Follow
You say in common, ‘He is’
Desla fades in.
You grin.
Danor bows.
You bow.
You say in common, ‘Hi desla
Danor places the blame directly on you.
Danor purposefully paces off, heading for the north.
Noorooo leaves carrying you to the north.
You roll your eyes.
You say in common, ‘I mounted it and mastered it
You poke Noorooo in the ribs.
Danor says in common, ‘ Desla says, ‘Ogma’s on.  Tell to him.
Danor says in common, ‘Your job
Danor pokes you in the ribs.
You nod.
Desla says, ‘And if he doesn’t eviscerate you or respond, then post it on the bug board.
Desla waves.
You nod.
Danor grins.
Desla turns two-dimensional, then turns sideways and vanishes.
Danor says in common, ‘Ogma said he’d banninate me if i ever tell’d him
Danor says in common, ‘So..
Noorooo peers at the sky.
Danor purposefully paces off, heading for the north.
Noorooo leaves carrying you to the north.
Danor says in common, ‘Follow
Noorooo looks around.
Noorooo ponders the situation.
You tell Ogma ‘i mastered a porter which desla says is not suppose to happen.
Hassan spits at you.
Danor purposefully paces off, heading for the south.
Noorooo leaves carrying you to the south.
You are suddenly struck by lightning!
Uh-oh, it’s nappy time.
You’re too dazed and confused to stay upright!
You fall unconscious!

You regain consciousness!
Danor lays his hands on you, and you feel refreshed.
Danor thinks.
Danor asks in common, ‘Conc–?
Danor peers at you quizzically.
You say in common, ‘Daob
Noorooo smiles.
Danor says in common, ‘You were unconc
Danor pokes you in the ribs.
You shout in common, ‘What happens if he lightning bolts me?should i still post it on the bug board?
You snicker.
Danor cackles.
Danor rolls his eyes.
Danor is thrown trying to mount Noorooo.
Danor says in common, ‘Ow
Noorooo swings his trunk back and forth.
You laugh.
You say in common, ‘Big grumbly farie
Danor says in common, ‘We could go kill faeries, summon dragons
Danor peers at the sky.
You say in common, ‘I kinda expected to get lightninged after that last comment
Noorooo frowns.
Danor agrees.
Danor places the blame directly on Porter.
You say in common, ‘Guess ogma forgot
Danor nods sadly.
A bolt of lighting streaks down from above, striking Danor!
Danor falls over in a faint.
Danor collapses!
You laugh.
Noorooo’s trunk is destroyed!
Noorooo’s right hind leg is destroyed!
Noorooo died!
You say in common, ‘Aww nuts
You shout in common, ‘Score 1 for the creators!
Danor regains consciousness.
You grin.
Danor says in common, ‘Um
Danor says in common, ‘Ow.
You say in common, ‘They blew up my mount’
Danor asks in common, ‘They?
Danor stares.
You say in common, ‘Ogma im assuming
Danor asks in common, ‘Ogma and his handpuppet?
You laugh.
You nod.
Danor nods.
Danor says in common, ‘Mr.Flibble
Danor shouts in common, ‘Porter steaks for all!

Curtsey or bow? Both.

Curtsey or bow? Both.

Tumi debates on curtsey or bow.
Rith grins.
Rith asks in common, ‘Both?
Tumi sprawls out lazily.
Caitrin giggles softly.
Tumi says in common, ‘That’s what happens
Rith agrees.
Feybol says in common, ‘Yeah do both at same time tumi not
do debate
Rith bowtsies.
Tumi curtows.
Tumi laughs.
Rith grins.
Skyla grins.
Feybol cackles.
Feybol high-fives Tumi.
Skyla exclaims in magic, ‘Curtsey bow!
Feybol gives you a high-five.
Rith says in common, ‘Good timing

Educational moment

Educational moment

(Context: We were sitting in the hh, I was teaching the basics of magic to a new elf, Caitrin)

Boriat asks Caitrin in common, ‘So how do you find being a mage so far?’
Caitrin says in magic, ‘Well, I can see it’s going to take a lot of time to be any good at all
Caitrin giggles.
You say in magic, ‘It does take some work to get started.
You nod.
You say in magic, ‘But magic has rewards.
You open a leather scrollcase (worn).
You take a blank scroll from an open leather scrollcase (worn).
You close an open leather scrollcase (worn).

As you inscribe the last word, power infuses the scroll!
You have written a quite well written scroll of bor’s_doom.
You give a scroll of [magic] Bor’s_doom to Caitrin.
You say in magic, ‘Read that, for example.
Viamar is bad.
Boriat pats you on the head.
Urthan grunts.
Boriat says to Caitrin in common, ‘Now do this, invoke bd nyris,french viamar
You sigh.
Caitrin gives a scroll of [magic] Bor’s_doom to you.
Boriat sighs.
You ponder the situation.
Boriat says in common, ‘She didn’t listen to me
Boriat says in common, ‘He said he was bad, so you were supposed to punish him with his own medicine
Boriat nods.
Donovan says to Boriat in common, ‘She is young. She’ll learn.
Slayla giggles.
Boriat agrees with Donovan.
You put a scroll of [magic] Bor’s_doom in an open small black bag.
A grunting and chomping sound comes from your bag.
You shrug.
Caitrin says to Boriat in magic, ‘Sorry
Boriat says in common, ‘I’ll give you a second chance to do it
Boriat begins to incant a spell.
Slayla giggles.
Caitrin says in magic, ‘I couldn’t actually read most of what it said
Boriat says in common, ‘Now do this
Boriat says in common, ‘Trigger nyris,french viamar
You say in magic, ‘Bd, or bor’s doom…
Viamar tries to look academic.
Caitrin makes a small motion with her fingers.
Nyris gives you a deep and passionate kiss…it seems to take forever…
You say in magic, ‘Is a spell that’s very useful for apprentices.
You gag.
Caitrin laughs.
Urthan says in magic, ‘Ick
Thalinder frowns at Boriat.
Boriat grins.
Thalinder comforts Nyris.
Boriat asks in common, ‘Should I have used someone else?
Boriat asks in common, ‘Like Danor?
Boriat comforts Nyris.
You say in magic, ‘Now we get into the annoying aspects of metamagic, another advanced topic.
Urthan says in magic, ‘Should have used different example
Urthan says in magic, ‘Kissy not appropriate
Danor hums a little tune.
Boriat says in common, ‘But it made her laugh
Boriat grins.
Urthan says in magic, ‘Nyris and Viamar not married

Mastered or Pwned? [Language]

Mastered or Pwned? [Language]

*** Hexadeci-Man is now known as Mastered.
Mastered: \msg nickserv identify masterd[***]
Mastered: SHIT :swear:
Shadyman: Oh really. 
Mastered: FUCK
Mastered: ASS
Mastered: COCK
Shadyman: Tourette’s strikes again. 
*** Mastered ([email protected]___) has signed off IRC (Nick collision from services.).
Shadyman: hee :lmao:
Olipro: Pwnt. 
Kippy: WEINER
RAHB: hah
EugeneKay: owned.
Olipro: every time
*** EugeneKay is now known as Mastered.
*** Mastered ([email protected]) has signed off IRC (Nick collision from services.).

Shadyman: wonder if that’s his wiki password, too. :winkwink:
* Shadyman twiddles his thumbs.
*** Olipro is now known as Mastered.
Shadyman: HA
*** Masterd ([email protected]___) has joined #uncyclopedia.
Masterd: lame
*** Masterd is now known as Neil_Young.
Neil_Young: stupid backslash :snarl:

Slap Slap

Slap Slap

You say, ‘I’m still waitin on my slap from desla
Danor ponders the situation.
You say, ‘Since he couldn’t do it in spirit form
Danor nods.
Katsumi says, ‘Ah well
Danor says, ‘Reminded him about it
Danor grins.
Katsumi laughs.
Danor flexes his tell.
Katsumi says, ‘I’ll make sure and tell him you need one too
Danor ponders the situation.
Katsumi nods.
Danor nods.
Desla fades in.
Katsumi grins.
Desla says, ‘As requested
Danor cackles.
Danor does the Happy dance.
Desla takes danor the village idiot.

An elderly, benign looking being, who looks caring and important and busy, all
at once. He has a tattoo of A dagger on his right hand. He is an elf and about
your size.
]He has:
]Danor the village idiot, a gold coin on a chain (worn)
]a gold coin on a chain (worn).

Katsumi grins.
Desla slaps Katsumi with Danor.
Katsumi laughs.
Desla drops danor the village idiot.
Desla waves.
Katsumi says, ‘Nice
Desla turns two-dimensional, then turns sideways and vanishes.

Ouch!

Ouch!

Ogma touches you gently with a silver wand (arcing).
You have died!
Haveok screams.
Yoru points and laughs at you.
Ogma asks, ‘What the?
You say, ‘haha
Ogma touches a stud on his wand and the lightning vanishes from around its tip.
Haveok pokes corpse.
Ogma pulls something out of a pocket..
Ogma begins to incant a spell.
The corpse of Danor the village idiot (with you in it) gains a scintillating aura around it.

Boriat laughs.
Boriat says in common, ‘Poor Danor
You say, ‘Thanks ogma I needed that
Ogma begins to incant a spell.
Ogma gently presses the ghostly figure of Danor back into his corpse.
You are now speaking common.

Ogma pulls a clue-by-four from an extradimensional pocket.
Ogma whacks you upside the head with a clue-by-four!
*You think your enlightenment skill has improved. *
Ogma returns his clue-by-four to its place.

Ogma asks, ‘What the hell?
You ask in common, ‘Enh?
Ogma asks, ‘Why was he so damaged?
Ogma asks, ‘Why?
Boriat says in common, ‘You disabled his head earlier
You say in common, ‘From the pick-a-limb
Ogma rolls his eyes.

More Powah

More Powah

Aozora sniffs a spellbook of [magic] Green_fire_bolt.
You poke Aozora in the ribs.
Ogma chuckles.
Magik ponders the situation.
Vidar says in common, ‘I want gfb
Vidar nudges Aozora.
Magik says in common, ‘Me too
Danor sniffs a spellbook of [magic] Blue_fire_bolt.
Rhylla grins.
Magik says in common, ‘I want vfb
Ogma pulls a clue-by-four from an extradimensional pocket.
Ogma whacks you upside the head with a clue-by-four!

* You think your enlightenment skill has improved. *
You’re too dazed and confused to stay upright!
You fall unconscious!
You regain consciousness!

Ogma says, ‘Ugh.
Magik exclaims in common, ‘Like paralysis!
Harle opens a rosewood cupboard.
Magik cheers.
Danor sniffs a spellbook of [magic] Scint_fire_bolt instead.
Ogma pulls a clue-by-four from an extradimensional pocket.
Ogma whacks you upside the head with a clue-by-four!

* You think your enlightenment skill has improved. *

You’re too dazed and confused to stay upright!
You fall unconscious!

Kill It

Kill It

Vidar shouts in common, ‘Arrk?
Arrk shouts in common, ‘Uhmm?
Arrk shouts in common, ‘Me has sword in head!
Vidar shouts in common, ‘Where you at?
Anarion shouts in common, ‘Does anyone know how to remove an embedded sword from an ogre’s head?
Thalinder shouts in magic, ‘Kill and butcher it
Arrk shouts in common, ‘Waaaah!