Patient, seeing Klinger: Doc, how come my nurse needs a shave?
Trapper: Klinger, how can you wear just a skirt on a cold day like this?
Klinger: You think it’s easy being a nut?
Frank: Klinger! I want to see you out of that dress!
Klinger: Never on a first date, sir!
Charles’s first impressions of the 4077th: Charming place. An inflamed boil on the buttocks of the world. What is that odour?
Radar: North wind: cesspool. East wind: latrine.
Charles: The wind is from the south.
Radar: Oh, that’s the kitchen.
Frank was once the innocent victim of possession. Through some tragic error they exorcized the nice guy and left that.
Klinger: Sorry about the mess.
Radar: I cleaned it for two hours! There was another mess under it!
Frank: Why don’t you guys like me, huh?
Hawkeye: ‘Cause you’re a lousy doctor and a rotten person.
Frank: Aside from that.
I happen to believe in the sanctity of marriage, no matter how ugly or disgusting it gets!
Frank: What are you doing here, pipsqueak?
Radar: I’m leaving, sir.
Frank: Don’t make excuses, just get out.
Hawkeye: Frank, why don’t you swallow your face?
B.J.: He did, that’s why he looks that way.
Frank, as Radar leaves: What was he doing in here?
Hawkeye: Something you wouldn’t understand, Frank.
B.J.: He was talking intelligently.
These are the forms to get the forms to order more forms, sir.